Forgive Your Spouse Through Ho’oponopono

Reconnect With Ho’oponopono – How To Forgive Each Other


How a beautiful Hawaiian tradition sorts out hurt and misunderstandings . . .

When you can’t get past the problem and it keeps getting bigger and bigger try Ho’oponopono

Ho’oponopono means ‘to make right’ – it brings balance and peace to the self and all relationships (even with past relationships).


“Remember that a problem is only a problem if you say it is….and the problem is not the problem but how you react to the problem is the problem.’– Dr. Ihaleakalá
 Ho‘oponopono is a traditional Hawaiian way to make peace in relationships when there’s the kind of conflict that starts with something small and just gets bigger and bigger.

Ho‘o means to make. Pono is a word that has three layers. The first layer is to behave righteously, with good spirit and good intention. If you do that, the second layer is that you create justice. If you operate with those two layers, you create the innermost layer: hope.

Through Ho‘oponopono you restore all of those layers, and you restore balance within the couple and within ohana—the family.

Are you ready to do Ho‘oponopono?

Ho‘oponopono always includes prayers and exultations and being together resting, eating, and come back again, and pray, and fast.

The entire process gives you  a chance to unpeel the onion, layer by layer starting at the surface of what happened. Then you unpeel the next layer and begin to explore the different perspectives until you get down to the innermost layer – the root cause.

Basically, it’s a process of forgiveness. You ask forgiveness for the things that you did to make that situation hurtful or wrong for the other person.

You should feel very relieved when it’s complete, and once you say the closing prayer, it is done – leaving it all behind.  It is important to not bring this into your future nor holding grudges. It’s complete, and now you share time together with a meal to show that there are no hard feelings anymore. If you can eat together, then you’re back in sync again.

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian tradition and centuries old. It is a process. To make things right (pono) and to solve problems. It is a process offered to families (Ohana) and the Hawaiian community. Today older version of Ho’opono pono has been offered to all  and the process when everything was right or (pono) and we did work together in unity (lokahi) has been shared. The Kapu (Taboo) to share this was broken just a few years ago from a Kupuna on the Big Island.

You could use Ho’oponopono as a special ceremony:

This gives you a beautiful ceremony to forgive your spouse through Ho’oponopono and feel more connected and loved.

If you are not Hawaiian then different prayers or protocol may be incorporated. Some see this process like spiritual guidance. Some see it as a cleaning, a blessing or a healing experience. No matter which way works for you, the ceremony can create an opportunity for resolution, forgiveness, and restore harmony.

Ho’oponopono is truly the art of forgiveness. Each participant takes responsibility for the part they have played in the problem and apologizes. Each forgives as well asks for forgiveness (noi e kala ‘ia ho’okamakamaka). It is good to understand (maopopo) that a participant could have offended (uluhua) or hurt the other unknowingly. As well could have said or done something in a situation or done nothing in a situation to create disharmony.

This would be a great vow revewal. The ceremony allows you to be in a state of peace about the past and to let go of what no longer serves you, so you can move on to be in a happy and healthy relationship of marriage (Male ‘ana).

The willingness of all to participate is essential. Each person respectfully listens carefully to the other in their time together. You can have this ceremony by the ocean or in nature.

You could have the ceremony started with the Kahu or facilitator saying a prayer (pule), connecting to the Spirit of each of the participants, strengthening the emotional commitment of each person. Prayer to the highest begins the session regardless of the religious or spiritual background of each person.

After the prayer the facilitator may state the iniquity or transgression, (hala) what has caused the problem. Or it may be brought in light in that moment by the participants themselves. Today in our lives there may be many layers of problems in a relationship over months or years.

This is a time where each person may take turns to share his or her experience (mana’o) or how they are feeling about past situations. By sharing and getting the sadness, upset or burden out it helps to let it go and begin the healing process. To forgive and be in peace with each other is to be able to set things right (pono) and move on in your life. To be right with yourself, loved ones, life, God(whatever that may be for you) and the Universe is awesome.

Both participant in a relationship or all those in the family are encouraged not to blame anyone, or share with angry emotions. You are encouraged to share your feelings without filling your words with negative energy. Each may take turns discussing there feelings and even repent (Mihi) if necessary. Each forgives and receives forgiveness. This loosens and unties the negative energies (kala), allowing those energies to be released and freed thus restoring harmony.

Resolution is what we are seeking here. Together we will stop the suffering and bring peace (Maluhia). Once harmony is restored you can then make any commitments in yourself and to your partner.

Ho’oponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian prayer made up of four powerful phrases: “I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

It promotes taking responsibility for everything in your life and the whole world you live in. It is a powerful forgiveness and letting go of the most challenging of life experiences.

 The Ho’oponopono Prayer can be offered to any aspect of life not working out or incomplete (not just relationships), past grievances especially involving people you have’t forgiven, experiences you haven’t let go of, built up hurts and resentments, problems, etc.
You begin by honoring yourself openly and honestly from within your heart and soul to each and every incident you can find, and to all people you have hurt and have been hurt by.

Once true forgiveness has arisen from the original state you were, you can find a new sense of wholeness and completion. You are now able to see things differently and have releasesd them and can reprogram your brain to see your life, experiences, and history in a whole new way. Remember, you just need to put new thoughts in for your brain to make the new pathways. Letting go of what holds you back from love and being loved is very freeing. The practice can help you see clearly, dissolve and release old experiences – especially the roots of which came from childhood.

Ho’oponopono Prayer:

(Say it over and over to let go of old baggage, resentment and negative energy)

   I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Forgive Your Spouse Through Ho’oponopono – let go

“If we can accept that we are the sum total of all past thoughts, emotions, words, deeds and actions and that our present lives and choices are colored or shaded by this memory bank of the past, then we begin to see how a process of correcting or setting aright can change our lives, our families and our society.”
– By Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona, a Hawaiian Kahuna Lapa’au