When Your Wife Wants A Divorce
You aren’t alone. Can you believe that over one million marriages will end in divorce this year, 70% of those divorces are initiated by women? Has your wife told you she is not “in love with you anymore” ? Has she stopped being affectionate? Does it seem as if you can’t make her happy and she is talking about separation or divorce? How did my wife get so unhappy with me?
In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren’t responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun… empty promises, not getting things done around the house, helping out with the kids, having enough together time, or pointing out that you used to do this and that and now you never do those things any more – you know what I am talking about – the complaints, critiques, complaining, nagging, etc. Unfortunately, when women complain, men retreat, withdraw, pull away which only makes things worse.
After years and years of trying to improve things, she will eventually believe that nothing will change and she will start to withhold all that love and relationship caretaking you have been receiving. She ends up believing that there’s absolutely nothing she can do because everything she’s tried hasn’t worked. That’s when she begins to think about leaving you behind and considers the possibility of a divorce. She believes you won’t change. Now, she is really unhappy with you!
This did not happen overnight. It took years for your marriage to get to this point. You are not alone when you begin to see that things are really bad between the two of you. It will seem like she just became unhappy all of a sudden. I just want you to realize that it took years to get like this. She has been unhappy for years. She has been trying in her own way to let you know that.
While she’s planning her escape, she will no longer try to improve your relationship. She won’t put any effort into the relationship at all. That is why you won’t be aware of this huge problem. You might even believe that since she has stopped nagging or complaining that everything is okay. That is not true. She will be merely surviving until she is able to take the next big step towards divorce. That’s why, when she finally breaks the news to you about divorcing, you will be shocked and fearful of losing her.
Then, even when you start changing – she won’t believe it will last, it’s often too late. The same wall she built around her heart that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing your genuine willingness to change. The relationship is hanging off a cliff and you will want to take the right action to save your marriage. Take the right action and be consistent.
If you are a woman who fits this description, please don’t give up. I have seen so many men make amazing changes once they truly understand how unhappy their wives have been. Sometimes men are slow to catch on, but when they do, their determination to turn things around can be astounding. Men are wired to make their wives happy. I have seen many couples strengthen their marriages successfully even though it seemed an impossible at the time. Give your husband another chance. Let him prove to you that things can be different. Teach him to love you once you see he is trying. You are not the same woman that started out with him. You have grown and are more certain than ever before about the kind of marriage you wants. Divorce causes unimaginable pain and suffering. It takes years to heal from a divorce and an enormous amount of energy to face each day.
If you’re a man reading this and your wife has been complaining or nagging, thank her. It means she still cares about you and your marriage. She’s working hard to make your love stronger. Not only that but you will find the information you need in her complaints to take action to make her happy. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Compliment her. Pay attention. Take her seriously. Show her that she’s the most important thing in the world to you.
Don’t panic. Don’t become frozen. Take steps towards change. Be patient. If you demonstrate you can change and she had hope deep inside that you would change, you can turn your marriage around. Remember she chose you in the first place for great reasons. If you need help – let me know. I will be happy to help you with this.