Why Do Men Avoid Getting Relationship Help?
Husbands Really Want To Make Their Wives Happy
You both feel the disconnection. You feel like roommates. You may even be sleeping in separate rooms. You come to a point where one of you doesn’t want to live this way any longer. You seek help with your marriage. Women will usually take the first step to find marriage help. When she tells her husband, he is not really okay with the idea at all. The mere thought of sharing your thoughts and feelings is alarming. That is because he’s faced with letting a third party know that his wife is unhappy and that equates to his feeling like a failure.
Men don’t dislike seeking marriage help because they might have to talk about emotions. What they hate is that getting marriage help forces them to experience that most dreaded emotional state to a man—feeling like a failure. Most men dread failure, particularly as providers, protectors, and lovers; their wives’ unhappiness makes them feel like failures. Husbands want to make their wives happy.
The need to ward off feelings of failure is why many men seem annoyed when their wives are unhappy, rather than ready to sit down and have a long, revealing talk about “feelings.” It helps explain why they’re more inclined to blame their partners for being too sensitive, too demanding, too selfish, too critical. Such blame temporarily relieves their shame, protects them from emotional reflection, and gives them a sense of empowerment. They can blame people and still be tough and in control. Unfortunately, being in continual blame-mode renders them powerless to engage with their wives or their marriage professional such as a therapist, counselor, or marriage coach, or to improve their relationships.
Having relationship skills in hand empowers them to be the kind of partners they want to be. Men really do want to have a warm and close marriage as much as their wives do, but the way they go about connecting is different. Marriage help shows the couple how their innate styles differ and how they can reconcile their differences to achieve the connection they both want. Men really do want to make their wives happy.