Tips To Help You Save Your Marriage Before And After The Affair
Marriage infidelity is often the biggest reason that marriages end. Truth is, there have probably been problems in the marriage long before an affair occurred, but often the affair can turn out to be the breaking point. The key then is to deal with the real problems or root problems within the marriage as they arise and not leave them to the point where an affair happens. If the marriage infidelity has already happened, stay focused on what is missing for your spouse – not the affair itself as that will just distance the two of you even further. There will be a time in the future where you will be able to address the marriage infidelity and heal together.
To avoid marriage infidelity make sure that you and your spouse deal with any situation that is causing friction within the marriage and between the two of you. The worst possible thing that many couples do is to ignore what is staring them right in the face. Hiding from your problems will only make them fester and grow, get in there and tackle what is wrong head on! Not in a damaging way but in a sharing, listening, understanding, and accepting way.
Because the truth is that a marriage infidelity – emotional or physical affair- is usually a symptom of something deeper and missing which causes marital problems. For example, if there was emotional distance between you and your spouse, then within that distance there is the chance for an affair to begin. Sit down with your spouse and discuss how you feel. If you genuinely feel that your marriage is not how it should be then you have to be upfront and honest. Don’t point the finger at your spouse tell them in a positive way that you miss them or use appreciation and praise to get more of what you need. You would love to receive a little praise and appreciation yourself so lead the way by example and make the change now. It will only draw you closer as long as you consistently praise and appreciate your spouse.
If you believe that you need to spend more time with your spouse then say so. Schedules need to be looked at and plans need to be made for when the two of you can spend some quality time together. Spending time together is a classic way to defeat distance in a relationship. Remember to tell your spouse in a positive way how great they are and that you love it when you get to share a little special time with them. They can’t read your mind and unhappiness can come across in a different way to your spouse.
Another classic reason for marriage infidelity is money! Financial problems are without a doubt common reasons that people look for what they need outside of marriage. If you are struggling under the weight of trying to make ends meet financially, of coping with debt, or you’re worried about your job security, then again you have to talk to your spouse. Trying to cope with this on your own will only make things more difficult. Looking outside your marriage for comfort from a third person will only hurt your marriage. After all, your spouse is the one safe place you have for lightening your mind and sharing in life together.
If you’ve got to a point where marriage infidelity is already a reality and you want to save your marriage, then you will then have to put out some fires and put them up pretty quickly. First of all end the relationship with the third person. Make sure that your spouse knows that you have ended it. Apologize for your mistake and explain to your spouse why you think you made the mistake. Any reasonable person can, IN TIME, forgive. What will erode forgiveness over time is lie after lie and betrayal after betrayal. So clearly and honestly explain your mistake, detail to your spouse what you are doing to prevent making that mistake again and live up to your promise!
The biggest part of marriage infidelity and the tips to save your marriage before and after an affair is to point out all the great qualities that your spouse has and to allow time to heal all the past hurts. Be best friends to each other again. Share new hopes and dreams. and above all else create a brand new relationship together – one that is fulfilling by teaching each other what you both need to feel loved and cherished.